My name is Genevieve Clare, professional mourner, destined to spend my days
donning a black suit and throwing myself on top of caskets for money.
Sometimes I mixed it up and threw myself on top of a willing warm body
instead. Finding the right warm body though, that was a different story.
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I
approached Bryce Oskin, with caution, and when I reached his side, he
demanded, “Who the fuck are you?”
Charm
and disarm. Charm and disarm.
“I’m
Genevieve Clare, Mr. Oskin,” I said with a grin. “I believe you
hired me to come to your funeral? Mind if I join you?” I brought my
own bag of goodies and opened a white baker’s box from Brewster’s.
“You
some kind of spooky chick?” he asked, his eyes squinting as he
studied me.
If
I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was… sweet on me
already. “Kinda, yeah. If by spooky you mean I get paid to go to
funerals, give people a nudge, and check for a heartbeat. Oh, and I
live at Eden Hills. Then yeah, I’m spooky.” I grabbed a plastic
fork and took a bite of amazing cake. It was always amazing, but
today it seemed more amazing than usual.
“There,”
I nodded toward the folder I’d set down on a little table to his
side. “I just need you to sign on the dotted line. And the bag
there is from Ruby. But I’m taking over the goody-bag duties, so
tell me what you like and I’ll get it for you.” I licked my lips
and did it seductively because I knew this was a man who appreciated
a woman. Also known as a dirty old man. “Want a bite?”
“You
gonna tell that Nazi Nurse Ratchet on me?” He jerked his head
toward Cheryl.
“Are
you gonna drop dead from half a slice of cake?” I countered.
“Nope.”
“Then
I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship, Mr. Oskin. I
visit once a week, unless I have a funeral, usually on Tuesday or
Wednesday. I always bring cake for my clients. If there’s something
you don’t like, just tell me. But I usually bring a selection.”
“You
do this every week?” he asked, disbelief in his voice.
“What
do you mean?”
“You
eat like that every week? When you see other clients?” His eyes
slid up and down the length of my body.
“I
have a high metabolism.” I smiled. It really was a miracle I wasn’t
as big as a house. But my sweet tooth was limited to sharing with
clients. I had to give myself some sort of boundaries.
He
grabbed the plastic fork I’d handed him and stabbed the slice of
Meyer lemon cake with vanilla bean cream cheese frosting. His eyes
closed, and when they opened, he said, “God bless you.” After a
few more bites, he asked, “So, you’re gonna open up my box and
poke me before they burn me, right?”
“Yes,
sir, I’ll make sure you’re good and dead.”
“Spooky
chick.” His tone was gruff, but his lip tipped up in the corner.
I
saw it with pride. Disarmament, accomplished.
Bryce
Oskin had ordered the Shake N Bake. I had permission from most of the
mortuaries and crematories to open the casket and check the body. I
mean, you could just tell when someone was dead. By the time I had my
turn with the deceased, they were most likely already embalmed. But
some of them chose not to be, or if they were, they hired me to come
to their place of death and make damn sure there was no chance in
hell they were coming back to life.
A
while back, there was a highly publicized case in Southern
California. A woman had been pronounced dead and taken to the
hospital morgue. But when they opened the fridge for her to be
transported to the funeral home, they saw obvious signs of a
struggle. She’d been put in there alive.
Yikes.
I’d
never been afraid of death, and, after my family died and the man I
loved almost had, I embraced death in my own strange way. I made it
my life’s work, I guess. While it took a lot to creep me out, that
story gave me the heebie-jeebies something fierce. It was all over
the news. Every staff member from the hospital to the morgue was
investigated then sued or fired or both. And, of course, old people
sitting in the common room of a rest home from the wee a.m. hours to
beddy-bye time, saw that story six times in one day, minimum. I ended
up receiving so many requests to make sure they weren’t breathing,
I added the Shake N Bake to my website.
6 Morbid and (very) Sultry Stars
ARC received for an honest review
When I first learned the title of what J.B. Hartnett was working on, I believe my exact words were: "You had me at morbid and sultry". Given, there was no synopsis or teasers yet, just the title was enough for me to look forward to reading it.
From the title and book cover and maybe even from the blurb, one would think this is going to be a dark, depressing and intriguing read. Dark and depressing? Not really. But I did picture a gloomy or mostly cloudy setting like maybe the ones in Twilight or a little like The Vampire Diaries. That's about how dark and depressing this book go. Now, intriguing? Hell, yes! How often do we stumble upon a heroine who is a professional mourner? Right? Right? That alone is interesting enough. But add to that the curiosity for how and what the story will be like -- is this a sweet love story disguising in a dark cover? or a tragic love story? or better yet, a thrilling erotic story? and we get a unique, staggering story of life, loss, and love.
The main characters, Ahren Finnegan and Genevieve Clare grew up together, became friends, got attracted to each other yet nothing serious happened between them.
When Gen's family died, Ahren was there for her. Feelings started resurfacing and the easy friendship that they both had from years ago turned into something more. More deeper than attraction. More than platonic friendship. Something more meaningful. Even though all of this happened within the first few chapters, I felt full and connected. Like I've read their entire history already. How did you do that, Julie?
Genevieve and Ahren grew up in the graveyard environment. Gen and her family live beside a graveyard and Ahren's dad do some landscaping job in the graveyard for Gen's dad. (I cannot imagine living beside the cemetery. Creepy! But I like how the author made it seem not creepy and more "cool" to live beside one. Especially since Gen spends a lot of her time with her now dead family.)
So when they were young, they got to hang out together and be friends. Fast forwards years later to Gen's family's deaths, it's like they just picked up where they left off. It was comfortable, easy, romantic and at the same time sexually explosive between the two of them. Just when I thought my emotions are intact, J.B. Hartnett turns the story around and I would be left crying, another flip of the pages and I was laughing out loud like a crazy person, and then the next thing I know I'm squirming in my seat and fanning myself because the scenes I'm reading are hot as all get out! I'm giving you all fair warning, get ready to be amazed with how very well-written this book is!
Don't be deceived with the cover or the title of this book either, I promise you, you will be surprised at what you will read inside and the outstanding storytelling of J.B. Hartnett. The author did a great job with the "years later" style, I love those kind but I appreciate that she didn't drag on too much on it, she stayed on track with the plot/theme and still did not lose the spark and the chemistry between the two characters. Sometimes, authors get side-tracked when they insert years have passed in the story and either they lose the theme with too much romance or the romance feels rushed. But with TMaSToGC, the author meant it to be about a professional mourner and she didn't lose that even after the love, the heartbreak and then the finding love again. It still played a huge role in the story. And I enjoyed that! I got to see the life of a professional mourner, I'd say this was pretty educational, too! ;)
J.B. Hartnett sure know how to write funny and sexy scenes and mesh them together without feeling awkward. I was captivated right from the first word until the end where I was left deep sighing with happiness. The Morbid and Sultry Tales of Genevieve Clare is a solid, unique, and impressive story to devour!
Stars: 6 stars
POV: Dual POV. First person (Gen) / Third person (Ahren)
Recommended to: Everyone who is looking for something new to feed their thirst for romance.
Series: No.
Extra Comment: Although this is not all sad, I did cry at several parts so I suggest tissues also.
Julie is a Southern California native, a fan of a really good story (preferably romance with a happily ever after), really good pie (preferably pumpkin) and copious amounts of coffee (preferably Folgers).
She has always enjoyed writing and at one time thought she could be a singer songwriter...the 'writer' part is the one that stuck.
Julie is obsessed with pi...the equation(and the food). She's allergic to cats and cantaloupe and hates mushrooms...so if you ever want to give her a gift, those are out for sure.She currently lives with her own romance hero husband and two boys in Melbourne, Australia.
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